Failed Chanel Heist: Police Already Tracking Suspects… Teenagers With Dubious Taste. Chic panic hit Avenue Montaigne on Saturday morning: four individuals attempted to rob the Chanel boutique. Armed to the teeth rifles, an axe, and Yamaha TMax scooters repurposed as luxury battering rams, the rookie bandits charged the storefront as if they were filming Fast & Furious: Golden Triangle Edition.

Fortunately, a security guard endowed with admirable courage (and likely motivated by the proximity of his lunch break) managed to drop the metal gate just in time. Curtain down literally. Caught off guard, the four culprits immediately fled.

According to our sources, the police are now pursuing an explosive lead: the suspects may be young individuals… with particularly questionable fashion sense.

Witnesses reported black tweed tracksuits, KL light-up sneakers, and an axe wielded with as much elegance as a cross-body fanny pack branded Vuitton. In short, nothing remotely close to the usual dress code of the “Cartier set.”

No one was injured, except for the assailants’ egos and a security guard, who escaped with a minor injury and probably a great story to tell. The investigation is ongoing, but one thing is certain: while the robbery failed, the crime against style definitely took place.

FM