Here is the couture man the most destitute of Fashion Week and the most pathetic, armed with merely a month of study at Esmod. He is a one-man amateur lexicographer, crafting a couture born from a phlegmatic spit, slowly making its morbid descent to the ground and muttering back: “I am the black hole of the universe.” Hammering away at common sense with his needle, he stands at the very antipodes of today’s trends.

He leaves Balmain after fourteen years of reign without a throne fourteen years of sequins, selfies, and gold-shouldered jackets. Olivier Rousteing, the man who turned a couture house into an Instagram and TikTok franchise, takes his final bow. This tormented soul who imagines all the world’s misery was meant for him a lonely child first, then burned later, after the theft of a collection that, truth be told, was never going to fly that high. And when he is alone with himself, staring at the blank page, he strikes his own forehead to summon the genesis of creation yet nothing comes.

Now fashion sighs not with emotion, but with disbelief: how could a designer who couldn’t sew lead such a prestigious atelier? Balmain, once synonymous with perfect cuts and architectural tailoring, had become a temple of the “digital pout”, where the needle was replaced by a filter.

Of course, one must credit him with a certain talent: that of self-performance. Rousteing managed to make himself the most profitable product of the house. The Balmain Army that battalion of models and influencers as dazzling as a sequin curtain paraded more often on social media than on catwalks.

His departure has prompted a chorus of official praise. Press releases overflow with gratitude and words like “visionary”, “authentic”, “inclusive” for the Sycophant love Qatari money. One almost expects him to be awarded the Légion d’Honneur for services rendered to the ring light. Yet behind this corporate liturgy, a truth endures: Olivier Rousteing was the pope of an era when fabric mattered less than storytelling. He did not sew, he “conceptualised”. He did not sketch, he “posted”. And so, a century-old atelier was turned into a content studio.

What the so-called prodigal child will do next remains to be seen. Perhaps he’ll launch a luxury brand without clothes only NFT Balmain jackets, available in limited editions, with the Qataris’ hefty cheque tossed in like a charitable offering.

Whatever happens, the House of Balmain must now find its thread again both literally and figuratively. For after fourteen years of rhinestones and hyperbole, it is high time to reconnect with the forgotten art of couture the kind done by hand, not freehand on Instagram.

FM