A BIT OF GRASS AT ROLAND GARROS
On Sunday morning, the Crocodile broke a sweat on the clay courts of Roland-Garros. Pelagia Kolotouros delivered a collection so scorching hot that three bimbos literally melted we had to scoop them up with a spoon, though a Puiforcat one, naturally.
It was October 4th, the anniversary of the promulgation of the French Fifth Republic’s Constitution, but nobody here knew that. By sheer coincidence, Lacoste’s creative director chose this exact day to present her Spring-Summer 2027 collection at the Porte d’Auteuil, which hadn’t asked for any of this but blushed a deep ochre anyway. The marching orders were written on the invitations in sunscreen-style lettering: “Dress code: No white required.” In other words, wear white if you want, but white itself won’t be showing up.
And so, “J’accoste ” mean “I dock” at Porte d’Auteuil. It all begins with René not Céline Dion’s René, mind you, but René Lacoste, evoked in hushed tones like an uncle who left a gambling debt at “Poker” back when it wasn’t . A quick nod to the founder, who back in the 1920s cut off his shirt sleeves in an act of “discreet rebellion.” The sleeves themselves never quite recovered from the insult; today, they live in a flatshare in a drawer in Neuilly alongside some French cuffs, where they are currently writing their memoirs.
On the clay of the Philippe-Chatrier court, the clothes made their entrance: oversized coats, silhouettes so breathable they practically sang opera, and sportswear so airy it had to be anchored to the ground with an excavator. All of this bore the signature touch of the most famous Greek woman in France after my pal Yannis Geronimidis and Nikos Aliagas, of course.
Collars were layered, misaligned, popped, and according to eyewitnesses, one of them even asked to speak to the manager. White silhouettes were stained with ochre clay and drenched in sweat. The effect is achieved by running a sandwich of greasy fabrics through a steamer much like my neighbor does, though she’s more of a “schemer.” Then came the colors: cobalt nylon, orange zippers, and hits of acid yellow the exact palette of a warm-up session gone horribly wrong in a nightmare.
For Kolotouros, the ACE-T1 sneaker draws inspiration from a tennis net, which is a polite way of saying someone hit the net and the net took it as a compliment. The racket holder becomes a silver bag to catch the ball on the fly, while shoes featuring heels shaped like tennis balls run off without a racket or prior notice for a stroll at the Louis Vuitton Foundation.
The crowd blinked in amazement while simultaneously craning their necks left and right to catch a glimpse of celebrities like Uma Thurman and Adrien Brody reigning over the front row. They were surrounded by empty-content creators and young actors sculpted from a rare marble that the Roland-Garros staff must have kept chilled in a freezer since 1928. “Adèle Extra-Populos,” “Camille Catin,” and “Léna Saturation” were also part of the festivities. It is certainly not with this crowd far too busy being photographed and clearly preferring the grass of Wimbledon that we will ever boost France’s birth rate.
The question of commercial success remains: the designer’s approach has already won over retailers like Dover Street Market, Selfridges, Galeries Lafayette, Ssense, and the Japanese department store Hankyu. If this translates into actual sales, it could very well win the long game for Lacoste or at least the next set, and probably the match.
FM♥
